My mind is very confused
My mind is very confused
I have been put in a difficult situation for the last 6 months.
The biggest issue at the moment is to find a place to move in. I have been living in a place where the rent is exorbitant and had been paid by my ex-partner, S since he abandoned me while I was recovering in the hospital after a major operation and as such I have been unable to afford anything. Upon his leaving me like that, I have also lost work as I was working with him.
Before the Christmas last year, S promised to pay the rent until February, so that I could go to Bali with him for a holiday. I agreed to go to Bali. However, his promise has never been honoured. Since February, the rent has been behind and I started being hounded by the real estate agent as my name was on the lease.
I needed a roof over my head while looking for a job. It seemed it would take a while to get a suitable job for me to get back on my feet again. I tried to negotiate with S regarding the rent payment. In fairness, I wanted him to pay the rent until May. In exchange for this grace, I would agree to give whatever he needs for one of his work matters (I cannot specify what they exactly are). S seemed to agree with my proposal. However, he did not do anything to date.
Then, I receive a call from the real estate agent that he would have to terminate the lease as the outstanding rent has not been paid yet unlike S promised him. I would accept this and decide to move on. I was given only 2 weeks to vacate the place. Strangely, I was not panicking while I was getting upset with the fact that S let me down again.
I put whatever I do not need and I could sell on eBay – almost everything except my clothes, kitchen items, a bed, a fridge, and a washing machine. These last three items are the most expensive ones when I would buy them later when I have my own place.
Today is D-4. Yet, I do not know where I am moving to. I did not bother to look for places as I cannot afford any place at my current financial situation. One of my friends offered her spare bedroom. However, I cannot move in with my doggy Ted as her building is not pet-friendly. Having to separate Ted from me is cruel to Ted as I am all he has. Also it is cruel to me as he is all I have. It is not fair.
Would it be nice to have a family or relative here, so that I could move in to live with them without any drama. Of course, this is not the case for me. I have no such family or relatives here in Australia.
All I need at the moment is a safe place to stay with Ted until I get back on feet. My heart tells me where is the best place to go while my mind is still confused of what to tell me to do.
What should I do in order to move in the place where my heart tells me to go?
I do not know.
What else can I do?
Nothing, I feel.
At this stage, only God would know what is going to happen on Sunday and where Ted and I will be sleeping Sunday night.
No matter what I try to stay positive, believing things will work out for me, this uncertainty about where I will be end up on Sunday night is becoming overwhelming. From yesterday, I was not being myself again as I was becoming anxious about my current situation.
They say anything can happen and miracles happen every day. This seems to be the only way for me to get through this time and to work things out – MIRACLE.