Since I landed in Sydney on 24 February 2007 to date, the places I have lived in are as follows:
- Frenchs Forest
- Neutral Bay
- Wentworth Point
- La Perouse
Now Gordon is the next. This will be my thirteenth place.
Luckily I have lived in all good and safe places. I am looking forward to exploring this new place. Yet, hopefully after this, I would settle one place, finding my own where I would not have to move anymore..
My prayer has been answered in time. Ted and I found a new place to stay. Over the last weekend, I was in agony, feeling anxious and panicked that I could end up living in the car if I could not find a place to move into. Quite a few people told me I should take my friend’s offer and find someone else who could look after Ted for a while until I set up myself and I could have Ted back. However, I could not do that. It was too cruel to Ted and me. I could not separate from my dog. He is all I have. I am everything to him. Ted needs me. I need him particularly in going through hard times like this. If I did not have Ted, if I were all alone, I doubt I would have survived this long..
So this place is up in the northern area of Sydney. I have known this area, but I am not familiar. It seems isolated, yet I am aware I have no other options.
Trying to look for positive sides:
- There is a train station, which would make a trip to the city a lot easier
- I am getting closer to my two close friends
- The suburb is close to Eastwood, where a big Korean community is established
- The place has a yard for Ted to run around
I guess these will be enough to be hopeful about moving into this new place.
I have not looked at the place itself yet. It is getting renovated to make it more liveable as the place has been vacant for a long period of time by the sounds of it. Then I have made three requests: bathroom heating on the ceiling, wardrobe, and a doggy door for Ted.
At the same time, I am getting worried. Is the place going to be safe as I will be living on the ground floor? Will I like the place? (yet, I still have no other option..) What does this moving mean to me? As it feels like going backwards for some reasons..
At least, things worked out well for me. I am grateful that things were put together in the end. I will have a roof over our heads. I will not be hammered by the agent’s calls every morning whenever the rent payment becomes behind. This all matters to me at the moment.
Getting out of this place, getting out of bad memories, and starting all over again in a new place, this will do for me. It is a pity that I have to re-establish everything again though. Does this mean what I have established for the last 10 years became nothing? Did I lose everything? Pretty much. I am getting old yet, did I waste the last 10 year of my life? I am not sure.
At least, I have a place to stay. This is the most important thing to me right now.
My mind is very confused
I have been put in a difficult situation for the last 6 months.
The biggest issue at the moment is to find a place to move in. I have been living in a place where the rent is exorbitant and had been paid by my ex-partner, S since he abandoned me while I was recovering in the hospital after a major operation and as such I have been unable to afford anything. Upon his leaving me like that, I have also lost work as I was working with him.
Before the Christmas last year, S promised to pay the rent until February, so that I could go to Bali with him for a holiday. I agreed to go to Bali. However, his promise has never been honoured. Since February, the rent has been behind and I started being hounded by the real estate agent as my name was on the lease.
I needed a roof over my head while looking for a job. It seemed it would take a while to get a suitable job for me to get back on my feet again. I tried to negotiate with S regarding the rent payment. In fairness, I wanted him to pay the rent until May. In exchange for this grace, I would agree to give whatever he needs for one of his work matters (I cannot specify what they exactly are). S seemed to agree with my proposal. However, he did not do anything to date.
Then, I receive a call from the real estate agent that he would have to terminate the lease as the outstanding rent has not been paid yet unlike S promised him. I would accept this and decide to move on. I was given only 2 weeks to vacate the place. Strangely, I was not panicking while I was getting upset with the fact that S let me down again.
I put whatever I do not need and I could sell on eBay – almost everything except my clothes, kitchen items, a bed, a fridge, and a washing machine. These last three items are the most expensive ones when I would buy them later when I have my own place.
Today is D-4. Yet, I do not know where I am moving to. I did not bother to look for places as I cannot afford any place at my current financial situation. One of my friends offered her spare bedroom. However, I cannot move in with my doggy Ted as her building is not pet-friendly. Having to separate Ted from me is cruel to Ted as I am all he has. Also it is cruel to me as he is all I have. It is not fair.
Would it be nice to have a family or relative here, so that I could move in to live with them without any drama. Of course, this is not the case for me. I have no such family or relatives here in Australia.
All I need at the moment is a safe place to stay with Ted until I get back on feet. My heart tells me where is the best place to go while my mind is still confused of what to tell me to do.
What should I do in order to move in the place where my heart tells me to go?
I do not know.
What else can I do?
Nothing, I feel.
At this stage, only God would know what is going to happen on Sunday and where Ted and I will be sleeping Sunday night.
No matter what I try to stay positive, believing things will work out for me, this uncertainty about where I will be end up on Sunday night is becoming overwhelming. From yesterday, I was not being myself again as I was becoming anxious about my current situation.
They say anything can happen and miracles happen every day. This seems to be the only way for me to get through this time and to work things out – MIRACLE.
Among those who go to church and talk about the Bible, or who are claiming themselves to be good and decent persons, I believe ultimate lesson would be “forgive and love one another”…
I wonder how many of those actually practice what they are taught and teach..as I believe merely going to church and talking about the Bible or saying “I am a good person. You can trust me.” do not mean they are good and trustworthy people.
I have seen/experienced such people are the ones acting against what they preach and rather wanting to see others suffer by being cruel and heartless consumed by their own egos…just saying.
I have been living in Australia for 10 years up to now. Now my life here seems to be under a big transition. I went through a lot since September last year. My world has completely turned upside down unexpectedly.
Currently, my main issue is to find a decent place where I can stay with my doggy Ted. Today is D-6. I am selling everything except my clothes, some kitchen items, a bed, a fridge, and a washing machine. Yet, I have not decided where to move in or have not started looking for a place yet, as I am not in a position to afford even a small rent that my friend offered for her spare bedroom. My account is already overdrawn. What else can I say?
Plus, as my friend’s apartment is not a pet-friendly building, I am not feeling comfortable with a idea of having to separate from Ted and to look for someone who can look after Ted temporarily. This idea is cruel to Ted and me.
In 10 years of living in Australia, I realise that the hardest thing is not dealing with racism. The hardest thing is having no family or relative who can unconditionally support me..
Last week, I completed making my 2017 resolutions. They are achievable upon my efforts. They will help me to live a happier life this year, learning to look after myself.
The resolutions are:
- Maintain 52kg of the current weight
- Back to workplace
- Pay off 50% of the credit card bills
- Buy no clothes and shoes until 30 June 2017
- Dinner at 360 Bar and Dining restaurant one night
- Join martial arts/self-defence class
- Visit Korea for 2-3 weeks
- Visit Perth for up to 1 week
- Full driver licence
- Australian citizenship